This page collects funny or interesting remarks from #scheme on freenode. The quotes don't have to be Scheme or Lisp specific, but centered around the community that evolved on that channel. Similar to scheme-fortune-cookies, this page is in fortune file format.

<chandler> Smerdyakov: your assertion does not match reality.
<Smerdyakov> chandler, that doesn't matter.  What is under
    discussion is the assertion.
<mmmdonuts> slava, she had come with a couple of other salespeople (also
    female) from their company to learn more about the product in question,
    which their company had just acquired from our company.  So I spent some
    time at this meeting surrounded by three apparently adoring women asking
    questions and hanging on my answers.  I had another guy come past and ask
    me what my secret was.  :)
<bjblaz> sarahbot: you're such a ho
<sarahbot> Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a ho? Yes.
<asymptonic> sarahbot: what the hell?
<sarahbot> Did I confuse you?
<sarahbot> Someone once said R6RS is only an unbounded number of
    Scheme language committee debates away.
* arcus wonders whether the number of Scheme language committees is
<Catfive> arcus - I'm not sure if they're uncountable, but they're
    definitely irrational.
<neale> my impression so far is that most folks on here like s48 a lot
<neale> and nobody has anything bad to say about gauche
<Riastradh> Gauche uses Boehm's GC.
I never metacircular evaluator I didn't like
    -- [[Neil-Van-Dyke]] on #scheme @ (
that is truly mad-like-a-mad-scientist-bent-on-destorying-the-world-mad
    -- [[Jonathan-Arkell]] on #scheme (commenting on a discussion about 
         new syntax of perl 6, "magical metanamespaces" in particular) 
         @ (
<Blicero> what's [] in scheme?
<Maddas> Blicero: Some Scheme implementations have it as an alias for ( and )
    I believe
<Blicero> what are they trying to say when they use both () and [] in a block
    of code
<Maddas> Uh, nothing special, I think
<Maddas> Just trying to make things readable, they claim...
<Blicero> but they're using both
<Blicero> in the same block of code
<Maddas> Yes, that's what makes it readable
<Maddas> according to them
<Blicero> it makes no sense :|
<Maddas> not sense, readable!
<r2q2> mmmdonuts: So, what is it like being on a language committee?
<mmmdonuts> r2q2, I enjoy the rides in the black helicopter which picks me up
            every morning to fly me to a bunker beneath MIT.            
<arcus> how does a helicopter fly into an underground bunker?
<mmmdonuts> Haven't you seen X-Men?
<mmmdonuts> (The movie)
<arcus> er, yeah, but I forget.
<arcus> descending heli-pads?
<mmmdonuts> Obviously, you have big sliding camouflaged doors in the ground.
<jensa> mmmdonuts, Shiver's clearly put his mark on the Scheme community
<r2q2> Wow. That is really cool.                                        
<r2q2> MIT is just like hollywood!
<r2q2> No wonder tuition is really expensive.
<mmmdonuts> Yes, jensa, I forgot to mention that we also carry automatic
            weapons at all times, in case the Java or C++ guys attempt a
<mmmdonuts> Shivers drops in every now and then to give us training.
<r2q2> mmmdonuts: So, Guy Steele must be magneto.
<r2q2> And sussman must be professor X.
<r2q2> Sweet.
<mmmdonuts> I didn't realize they were arch-enemies, but you might be right.
<mmmdonuts> (Or old friends on two different sides)             
<mmmdonuts> Yeah, I guess that makes sense.  MIT vs. Sun.
<arcus> mmmdonuts: I hope you guys have paid attention to this
<arcus> it's really for evil overlords, but there's lots of good advice about
        bases and minions there.
<mmmdonuts> arcus, the evil overlord guidelines came up a while back when we
            were discussing what the big red button on the front of Darth
            Vader's suit does.  But I hadn't thought of applying them to the
            R6RS committee.  I'll bring that up at the next underground bunker
On #lisp but still funny nonetheless.
<r2q2> Movitz is neat.                                  
<r2q2> Lisp on bare metal. that is damn sexy.
<bitwize> I learned something tonight, however:
<bitwize> If you eat alone at Applebee's, and you leave your drink behind to go to the restroom, it will no longer be strongly reachable, and hence may be GC'd.
* foof is thoroughly soaked
<foof> they need to invent an umbrella that doesn't turn into a pretzel in typhoons
<mmmdonuts> no, no - umbrellas should be minimal!
<foof> a titanium dome on a stick is minimal!
<mmmdonuts> I see umbrellas as more of a device for reasoning about not getting wet.
<mmmdonuts> But that titanium dome sounds attractive.  We could attach turrets to it, too.
<mmmdonuts> The problem is that titanium rules out the transformation mechanism: you can't fold the umbrella.
<twb> mmmdonuts: not necessarily.
<twb> You could melt it down, for example.
<mmmdonuts> Ah yes.  A titanium dome, and a portable nuclear-powered furnace.  Now *that's* what I call an umbrella.
<twb> You could attach treads.
< Riastradh> Damn, I hate it when this happens: I accidentally produced a
             nearly complete BSD sockets interface in Scheme48.
< bitwize> how do you accidentally do that?
< Riastradh> I'm still trying to figure that one out.
< SchemerNate> I was driving a RAM 2500 with horse trailer...
< peyt> SchemerNate: The cdr?
< SchemerNate> yes, the cdr.
< sarahbot> Riastradh is dynamic wind.
< kilimanjaro> sarahbot: Riastradh is a modern day Homeric hero. The kind of guy that would walk for 6 years just to get into a fistfight with Larry Wall.
<Riastradh> Most random Scheme tutorials found on the web are worth about as much as a half-eaten penny
<Axioplase> hum, how does one get current-time in chicken ?
<gnomon> First, you have to make it swallow a watch - which, although difficult, is less unpleasant than the alternative.
<gnomon> Then you need to make it swallow a flashlight.
<gnomon> Then you're on your own.
< alaricsp> However, I own the Patterns book, because reading through it
            is a good litmust test for the design of OO systems. If your
            system still needs any of the patterns, then it's flawed :-)
<sreeram> Explicit Renaming is certainly worth checking out.
<offby1> Rated NC-17.  Some scenes of explicit renaming.  Under 17 requires accompanying adult or guardian.
<marcotmarcot> Is there a comparision, like, why using common lisp, and why
using scheme..
<mbishop> you use common lisp when you're a masochist
<kilimanjaro> zbigniew, how do you like your kittens prepared?
<zbigniew> i take them black, like my men.
<j85wilson> I hunger.
* j85wilson eats continuations
<sjamaan> j85wilson: If you eat last week's continuation, you can eat them again!
<j85wilson> that's true.
<langmartin> and pretty gross
<ap9> i always eat with the current continuation... and when i get bored of eating i'll escape eating and resume
<j85wilson> are continuations digestible?
<ap9> no, but in some stomachs, i think they are cerealizable
<kilimanjaro> offby1, good point. Paul Graham wants Arc to be a language that lasts 100 years, and I guess the easy way of doing that is releasing it in 99 years.
<kilimanjaro> whee I get another paid Scheme project :)
<SeanConnery> kilimanjaro, how do you manage that?!
<kilimanjaro> well whenever someone wants me to do something for them I just tell them I'll probably do it in python and then when I write it in scheme I explain that it's sort of like python
<zbigniew> my other car is a cdr
<SeanConnery> zbigniew, is that a bumper sticker
<zbigniew> no, it's a honda
<zbigniew> the Honda CDR ZX-3
<offby1> eli: so if I wanted to build the docs from source, would I be wasting
         my time?
<eli> offby1: No, it should be pretty easy to do that.  Simply running
      setup-plt with the
      svn should create them.
<emma> Given an algorithm how do you calculate the time o() and the space o() ?
<foof> emma: give a grad student some coffee
<apgwoz> are you asking for little-oh or big-oh?
<emma> I wasn't aware there was a difference.
<apgwoz> big-oh is the worst case...
<foof> no, grad students are the worst case
< Cin> shower + beer = godly win
< Cin> it's like lazy evaluation and pure-functionalism
< Cin> they just fit together
<zbigniew> any scheme system which contains the comment ";;; Chuck Moore's
           Floppy Boot Code" is worth a look
<guinex> has been down for days.
<forcer-> It didn't feel welcome and is now pouting.
* offby1 attaches sensors to his ears
<offby1> now, when I wiggle my ears, it inserts a matched pair of parens
<offby1> take that, Riastradh
* j85wilson cries more.  He can't wiggle his ears.
<offby1> it's OK; I could adapt it for butt-cheeks, too
<mbishop> "Don't put closing (or opening) parens on a line of their own. They get lonely easily."
<mbishop> Please, think of the parens :(
<Discoloda> i dont care if they are lonely, then they know how i feel
<karmichael> question: are continuations the same as coroutines?
<gnomon> No.
<karmichael> how are they related?
<kilimanjaro> sort of like the relationship between a proton and a duck
<kilimanjaro> except probably with more love than a proton has for a duck
<XTL> all the quarking?
<kilimanjaro> I think Riastradh should make offby1 his deputy
<offby1> do I gotta wear a gun?  I'm scared of guns
<Prael> offby1: You can keep the bullet in your shirt pocket
<offby1> it'll protect me in case anyone throws a Bible at me
<jcowan> Sometimes debugging consists of observing that the computer is on fire.
<zarchne> A friend of mine used to have the domain name "", with the idea that he would then have the UUCP address umop-ap!sdn.  I guess the novelty wore off after 8-10 years...
<Daemmerung> Also, every time you use an unnecessary side effect, God kills a kitten.
<pizza_> there's that religious argument again
<Daemmerung> I'm thinking of the kittens, is all.
<vixey> why is it called foof-loop though?
<Adamant> cause foof made it
<vixey> what do you mean "made"?
<foof> 10,000 years ago I breathed on a butterfly, causing a chain reaction that indirectly led to its creation.
<\banlist> Damemmerung, if the function is strictly tail-recursive then you can replace the call to this function by the goto to this function
<Daemmerung> Or by the potato this function.
<gnomon> Or by the yam to this function, under some particularly permissive systems.
<Daemmerung> call-with-free-french-fries-with-this-order
<offby1> someone has been in the likka cabinet
<Daemmerung> yambda: the ultimate side dish
<gnomon> Computo, ergo spud!
<gnomon> I compute, therefore I yam!
* offby1 backs away slowly
<gnomon> offby1, likka? I barely knowa!
<zbigniew> fib unto others as you would have them fib unto you
<XTL> fib not lest you be fibbed yourself
<zbigniew> ask not what your country can fib for you, but what you can fib for your country
The Joker: [to Dent/Two-Face] You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how, pathetic, their attempts to control things really are.
-- The Dark Knight